


Filling the Empty

by magickmoons



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode Related, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Heaven, M/M, The Empty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:41:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27475948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magickmoons/pseuds/magickmoons
Summary: Cas was taken by the Empty. What happened to him after that?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 57





	Filling the Empty

**Author's Note:**

> I finally got the nerve to watch episode 18... This is my reaction piece. I debated using the Major Character Death tag, but don't feel it _really_ applies. If you are concerned, spoilery explanation is in the end notes. It is a happy ending.

And Cas surrendered to the Empty.

Dark rage surrounded him for a time, at first. Waves of anger and despair rolled into each other, crashing like waves in a storm. Then it was silent. Nothing moved, nothing breathed. It was just ...

Empty.

The only awareness he was left with was his own thoughts, spiraling repeatedly through his history, the potential futures he had sacrificed, the betrayals, the missteps, the alliances forged and lost. He was painfully aware every moment of the blood on his hands, built up over millennia. He agonized over each choice he had made in his brief dalliances with free will, the string of ill-advised decisions, and wondered if he'd ever have learned to get it right?

Wondered if his last free choice had been just another mistake. Had the Empty taken Dean too? Had he saved him only to have him die alone at Chuck's hands in a matter of hours or days? Or had he given his universe a chance to survive when Dean, Sam, and Jack came up with a last-minute plan? 

That he had left Dean in pain was a certainty -- the lost, anguished look in his eyes was often the only visual Cas could muster. Though it drove a spike through his heart, he would hold onto it as long as possible, examine every variation of green through his irises, framed by lids rimmed red with exhaustion and fear and sorrow. 

Time moved on, as much as it could in that timeless place. Cas couldn't tell how long he'd been there: seconds, years, eons. It was all the same, and would always be the same. An eternity in one moment. Every moment spread over eternity. An empty eternity.

And so it went on and on.

Cas was winding through his wayward thoughts, trying to direct them to a happy memory, some time between disasters when Dean was relaxed and laughing, relieved for even a day of Atlas's burden.

Those memories had been slipping away, harder to find, to hold, to recall the simple pleasure in seeing Dean's smile, or feel the joy in a simple hug. He waded through the harsh, unforgiving moments, when Dean had looked at him with betrayal, reproach, hatred. They built a wall, nearly impenetrable now, joined with Sam, Jack, Rowena, Balthazar, Rachel, Samandriel, and more.

His regrets cemented the wall. He had been so easily led astray, had failed to trust the right people, had left too easily, hadn't fought for what he'd wanted. It was too late to seek any forgiveness. He didn't deserve their forgiveness.

He deserved the Empty.

He was Empty.

A tiny ripple moved through the nothingness, its echoes roaring like a jet engine. Listlessly, Cas redirected his perception toward the source. 

A blinding pinpoint of light seared into him, grew and expanded, surrounded him. His entire body came alive with a surge of pain, deadened nerves waking with electric shocks, his lungs aching for air, his head nearly bursting with agony as the light ripped him from the jealous Empty.

It was quiet. Dark. Calm.

But it was warm. Soft. Safe.

Slowly, fearfully, Cas tried to open his eyes. He saw.

He blinked, unable to process input for a second, before it resolved. A pale green wall with a window was in front of him. Through the window the leaves of a tree moved in a gentle breeze, clear blue sky behind them. 

Before he even registered that he was lying in a bed, he was up and at the window, fingers against the smooth, cool glass, staring at the trees, the sky, a glistening lake.

It was beautiful.

"Hey sleepyhead. Thought you were never gonna wake up."

Cas froze. If he didn't turn around, he could pretend, pretend that whatever this hallucination was, whatever game or trick the Empty was playing, pretend it was real. That it really was Dean behind him, sliding his arms around him, resting his chin on Cas's shoulder.

He stared at the lakeshore with laser focus, trying to ignore the fuzzy profile in his peripheral vision. _Don't move. Don't speak. Don't Breathe._

But then strong hands were turning him and green eyes looked into his. Rough fingers brushed his cheek, wiping away tears he wasn't even aware he'd shed. "Cas, you okay?"

"I ... Dean?"

"Another nightmare?"

Unsure, he nodded. Dean sighed softly and pulled him into a tight hug. "I've got you, babe. Never gonna let anything like that happen to you again." He pulled back and smiled before he leaned in and kissed Cas's lips softly, lingering, his fingers playing through Cas's hair.

It was indescribable. No desire, no fantasy, no dream had even come close to the feel of Dean's lips, the reverence of his touch. Unable to hold himself back, ploy or not, Cas melted into Dean's strength, soaked up the warmth and love that existed just for them in that moment.

All too soon, Dean pulled back, looking conflicted. "I promised Sammy I'd come see him today, but ..."

"No, I'm fine, Dean. You go ahead." The remnants of the nightmare were already fading, and Dean hadn't seen his brother in ... well, it had been a while, he was sure of that. "I might just go sit by the lake. Or maybe work in the garden."

Dean nodded. "All right. Then when I get home, how 'bout I catch us a couple fish for dinner?"

"Sounds like a perfect day."

As Dean approached the door, Cas spoke up. "I love you, Dean."

Dean turned, with the beautiful light blush he always got when Cas got 'sappy.' "Aw man, you know I suck at ... " He shook his head and took a deep breath and looked right at Castiel. "I love you, Cas."

Cas grinned so widely his cheeks ached. "I'll see you tonight."

He watched Dean walk away, reveling in the simple perfection of their life.

)0(

Jack closed the window on the door marked 'Winchester,' smiling with satisfaction as he walked down Heaven's corridors. Making (more of) an enemy of the Empty was worth it, and if the Empty wanted to test his new status as God, Jack would be ready.

**Author's Note:**

> Cas is in the Empty, after being taken in Episode 18. Does that count as death? I'm still not sure.  
> Also, we see Dean in his Heaven, which implies that Dean has died. Dean's death is not covered in the story, although I was going to put it in at one point, but it was a peaceful death at a ripe, old age. 
> 
> Maybe one day I'll write Dean's side of this story.


End file.
